Spite Cuts Deepest. Swooping Plover.

Every Build-Up (spring), Australia becomes a war zone. Down south, magpies dive-bomb cyclists and noisy miners run the air support, while up north, plovers patrol school ovals like tiny sentinels of rage. None of it’s random — they remember faces.

One summer there was a particular noisy miner who used to wait for me every afternoon as I rode home from work, perched on the awning at the entrance to the Royal Prince Alfred Hospital in Camperdown. I convinced myself it was something about the way I moved along on my bicycle that irked this tiny little prick, but there were others around me also on bicycles — and yet this grumpy bird targeted me, and me alone. I even considered taking a tennis racquet with me, holstered on my back like a sword. But besides the fact I’m not a birderer, I had the foresight to imagine the spectacle of a crazed man on a yellow BMX swatting a native noisy miner from the sky in front of an audience of very sick adults and children with their visiting loved ones outside a hospital in Sydney’s Inner West.

This tee is for everyone who’s been ambushed on the way to work, pegged in the ear at the park, or lived to tell the tale of a territorial lapwing. Three species, one mission: vengeance.

Wear it as a warning, or a confession.

After all, spite cuts deepest... Deeper than any wound.

Product features

• Made from solid colours of 100% cotton for a soft feel
• Designed with side seams for lasting shape and structure
• Neck and shoulder tape adds stability and prevents stretching
• Features a ribbed knit collar for elasticity
• Printed inner neck labels ensure quality and comfort

Care instructions

• Do not iron
• Do not dry-clean
• Machine wash: cold (max 30C )
• Do not bleach
• Do not tumble dry

Sizing

Each one’s printed just for you, so double-check your fit before ordering. (Your future self will thank you.)